Is That A Cock In My Beer?

Small Town Gay Bar (2006) Rating: NR

As you know by now, I'm a fan of the View Askewniverse. I became aware of this movie, through Kevin Smith & the director, Malcolm Ingram, himself. A documentary about a small town in the bible belt of America and the gay bars in it. While watching the film, I was in a way hoping for more of the "crazy" religious nuts that you typically see in this type of flick. There are a couple of them, but not as many as in some other documentaries similar to this one. I started wondering why, and then it hit me, Ingram isn't trying to bring attention to the injustices that the homosexual faces, he is merely showing the die hard spirit that the gay community has and how regardless of threats, shootings, etc. they will continue to keep their spirits up. In other words "they're here, they're queer...", I'm used to it. But seriously this film was well done, but part of me also wishes that we could've heard from Ingram himself and why he chose to pick the particular bars he did and the like.

How Do You Say 8 1/2 In Italian?

8 1/2 (1963) Rating: NR

So a lot of people call this Fellini's "classic" biographical film. It was pretty damn good. A movie about a director who is under pressure to make his next film all the while dealing with his wife and mistress. Like any other Fellini flick this is filled with over the top surreal scenes. The end really had me thinking and contemplating what he was trying to say. I won't give my interpretation, because to me that'll ruin it for anyone else who wants to see it. It's an ending that I feel everyone will interpret their own way. An excellent flick!

Accused Of Being Overrated

The Accused (1988) Rating: R

So Kris asked me to watch this flick and give a review from a man's point of view. So here goes. First off, I'm no fan of rape. So what happened to Foster in this flick sucked. This film centers around Foster's character who was gang raped, and Kelly McGillis plays her lawyer who drops the ball (yes I said it) in the case, so to make up for it she tries to prosecute those who witness the attack. That being said, this film really didn't leave much of an impression on me. They portrayed the rape victim as a somewhat tough chick who says poor me and all that but to me because of that I had a hard time feeling really sorry for her. Not that I'm saying she deserved it or anything of that nature, just saying the character wasn't very sympathetic. The one thing I did find brilliant about it all though is the fact that they don't show the actual attack till almost the end of the film as to build suspense. If I was in the jury though, I don't know that I would be able to convict. I mean really the most compelling "evidence" presented in the film was to show the attack. If you're in the court you don't actually get that visual. Obviously I don't know what facts were presented in the actual case so it might be different. But overall as a movie it was ok. Not something I'll watch again or something that'll really stick in my mind. I guess I'm just too desensitized with violence. Damn you Grand Theft Auto!!!!

I think I Have Crabs

Deadliest Catch: Season 1 (2005) Rating: NR

So I had seen various episodes of this show on syndication. I hadn't watched close enough to say if I had liked it or not, but thought I would give it a shot. Who knew that a reality type show about Alaskan crab fishermen could be so damn entertaining? All the captains of the various boats in this show are likeable (my personal fav. is Sig). This season is filled with tragedy, joy and crabs. There were times where I would watch one episode just to kill some time, and then I would have to watch the next one just to see what would happen! After seeing this first season I can say that Alaskan crab fishermen are some crazy fuckers. I recommend this series to almost anyone. Of course there are going to be some who don't enjoy it...we'll call those people hippies.

Test

Oh No There Goes Tokyo...

Godzilla (1998) Rating PG-13

Whatever happened to Farris Bueller and the red headed chick on News Radio? They met up and made this crap. Now in all fairness the CGI in this is rather good and believeable. But, man this movie drags. It got to the point where I started thinking, the only reason this movie is still going on is because the director wanted to blow up every iconic building in NYC. From MSG to the Brooklyn Bridge, it was blown up. In that sense, it was pretty cool. However the story just wasn't. Anyone who has been alive for the past 50 years should know the story of Godzilla. Nothing new there. The best parts of the movie were when Godzilla would be chasing various people. And eventually the baby Godzillas who terrorized MSG. This movie is also filled with horrible cliche-type one-liners. It's a fun movie, but not one I will watch again. Perhaps if they took out the talking I would.

Shanghai Godfather

Shanghai Triad (1995) Rating: R

So this is another foreign flick with subtitles. If you don't know, I have no problem with that. On paper this movie sounded really cool. A dude is hired to watch over the mob boss's mistress and they end up in a sorta gang war. However in reality it ends up being more about the emotions of the mistress than the actual "war". But even those feelings are barely touched upon. She says a few things about how she always wanted to be somebody and that sorta thing, but for me, I didn't have enough sympathy towards her to care if she made it out alive or not. I did like the guy who played the character of the boss. But he is not what we in America expect from a "boss". In other words he's no Brando.

Starship Snorefest

Starship Troopers (1997) Rating: R

So, this movie tried to be Full Metal Jacket in outer space. It had the length part down (129 minutes), it had nudity. But it failed in the emotion part. Where in Full Metal Jacket you became attached to the various characters, this one, I wanted to see them all dead by the end of it. Although that didn't fully happen, some did, and some got topless (there was even male back nudity for the ladies). But about midway through this one, I was checking the time wondering how much more I had to sit through. Even with the nudity, the movie couldn't be saved. If you're into space/bug war movies you might enjoy it, but they don't do anything that hasn't been done before in the special effects department. Another skip for me.

Bye Bye Birdie...And Don't Come Back!!!!

Bye Bye Birdie (1963) Rating: G

So this movie sucked balls. Another musical movie. I mean really...who sings that much? Every 5 fuckin' minutes and they're singing again. This movie is like all other musicals...you take the singing and dancing out you have half hour, at best, of story. This particular one centers around an Elvis/Gene Vincent type of character who is coming into any town U.S.A. and meeting (and kissing) a young lady who was picked by his managers. AND it is all going to be taped for that card carrying Commie bastard Ed Sullivan's show (sorry...Ed Sullivan has rubbed me raw ever since I heard about his actions towards The Doors). And like Steel Magnolias, since it takes place in a smaller community everyone in the town wants their 5 minute fucking song to sing, and their dance. So in conclusion...this movie sucked balls.

Steel Magnolias Is Nothing Like British Steel

Steel Magnolias (1989) Rating: PG

So, I've heard various things about this movie for years. Mainly that it was a chick flick. But hey, I'm a dude who's secure with his sexuality. The movie was actually pretty funny through out. One thing I didn't understand was the fact that it was supposed to take place in the 80's yet the characters looked as though they came out of the 50's (A southern thing perhaps?). I was also pleasantly surprised to see one of my favorite character actors Tom Skerritt. His character is hilarious, from shooting birds out of the trees at the beginning to pissing off Shirley MacLaine's character through out the film. This film centers around a beauty salon run by Dolly Parton (well her character) and the patrons in a small town down south. It shows, how in a town like that they all come together in times of happiness and sadness alike. Although I enjoyed the film for the most part, I thought it dragged towards the end. I mean come on...damn thing is 118 minutes. Does it really need to be that long? That was really my only complaint about the film. Even if it was a chick flick.

I Fear This Wasn't Primal Enough...

Primal Fear (1996) Rating: R

Ok, so I had some hesitation about this one. It does star Richard Gere after all. I mean what has he done that was good since An Officer And A Gentlemen? I didn't take into consideration that it also had Ed Norton Jr., Frances McDormand & Maura Tierney (eye candy) in it. But really Gere is pretty damn good in this role. He plays a defense lawyer who signs on pro bono to defend Norton's character who is seen running from the local Catholic Priests place after he is murdered. Ah but Norton is a bit slow in the head, and there are a lot of politics going on in this case. Most of the community automatically assume he is guilty of the murder, but will the Denny Crane-esque Gere get him off? This flick has you guessing all the way till the ending. And then at the end you say to yourself "son of a bitch". Why? Well you'll just have to watch yourself won't you?

Another Boring Nazi Movie

Loose Cannons (1990) Rating: R

Ok, so I almost didn't bother reviewing this, to be honest with you all, but after a couple of people said that I should just tear into it, I decided I would. Going into it I was thinking, it won't be all that bad...it does, after all, have Dan Aykroyd, Gene Hackman, & Dom Deluise in it. How can it be bad? Here's how. It's produced by Chevy Chase. I'm going to admit it right here and now, I don't like Chevy Chase. He's never made me laugh except for the National Lampoon Vacation stuff. But I digest...This film centers on a "porn" film that was supposed to feature some guy by the name of Hitler. Dom Delouise ends up in possession with it, and a group of Neo Nazi's end up chasing him around for it. Hackman & Aykroyd are detectives who are protecting him after some murders take place due to this film. The only redeeming thing about this film is the fact that Aykroyd's character has a split personality and channels the likes of Tweety Bird, Captain Kirk & Pee Wee Herman to name a few. But honestly I barely made it through. The only reason I watched it was because I don't want to be one of those douche bag reviewers who either refuse to watch a movie because they don't like that type of movie, or review it without actually watching the whole thing. So take my advice...go see The Jacket instead.

Yo Robin...We Did It!!!

Tyson (2008) Rating: R

This is a documentary on Ex Heavyweight Boxing Champ Mike Tyson. It was an interesting watch, but since one of the producers was Tyson himself, it almost came across as though the questions/things talked about, were approved by him. Sure they touch on his relationship with Robin Givens, and later on the rape trial and conviction. But the problem I had with it all is that it was only his take on things. The director never takes the time out to talk with anyone else involved. So even though it was fascinating, and had clips of some of his best (and not so) matches, it was a very one sided documentary. I was also a bit annoyed at the fact that he would admit to "messing" up in certain situations...but then giving an excuse. I would've much rather seen him admitting his mistake and leaving it at that. No excuses, "I fucked up" sorta thing.

Where's My Jacket?

The Jacket (2005) Rating: R

Going into this movie, I had no idea what to expect. From what I could tell it was a low budget movie with Adrien Brody & Keira Knightley starring. Already two strikes against it. The one thing this movie had going for it (on the surface) was the fact that it also had Jennifer Jason Leigh and Kris Kristofferson. So once again we're even. It ended up being a really good movie. One of the best I've seen in quite some time! A movie about a vet of Desert Storm who ends up getting shot and "killed". Ok so they bring him back to life. However he does suffer from bouts of amnesia after the war. That becomes a HUGE problem when he is accused of killing a state trooper in Wisconsin or where ever the hell it takes place (isn't really relevant any way). After the trial he is found guilty by reason of insanity. He is sentenced to a insane asylum where Kris Kristofferson becomes one of two doctors try to help him. But Kristofferson's method of curing him is by putting him in one of those holding places where they put corpses in morgues...you know those things. It is during these "sessions" that he pieces together what has happened and what will happen. I've always liked those type of movies where you have no idea what is happening till the end. I strongly recommend this film!

LA Woman

Californication: Season 1 (2007)

I'm not a big fan of the X-Files, so when I started watching this show, I was a bit hesitant. How can straight laced Mulder (or was it Scully) be any good? Well, within 2 minutes of the first episode he proved me wrong. Picture this...the Stones "You Can't Always Get What You Want" playing while a nun gives him a blow job. Before I scare away everyone, let me get into the plot of the show. It's a show about a best selling author struggling with writers block, sex addiction, alcohol addiction & drug addiction (to an extent). Oh and he's also struggling with his relationship with his baby mama and his daughter. I won't go into it too much so that there will be a reason for you to watch, but on the whole it is a really good watch. My only complaints is that the daughter...someone needs to tell her she can't sing. I cringe every time she butchers another rock 'n' roll classic. Yes I know she is only 13...but that don't make it right!!!!! And on a similar note (kinda sorta spoiler alert) who the fuck sings Alice Cooper's "Only Women Bleed" at a wedding? "Hey here's an idea, on our wedding day let's have this kid sing a song about abuse against women". REALLY?

A Movie For Wednesday

Humpday (2009) Rating: R

So, by the title of this film, I figured it was going to be one of those types with a lot of nudity and well, basically a popcorn film. I was mistaken. There was very little nudity and it really was a thought provoking film. The premise of this movie is about two friends who (both straight) decide to make a gay porn for an "artsy" porn film festival. Oh and did I mention that one of the guys is a newlywed? So throughout the movie you wonder will they go through with it? Then you start to think, would that be something I could do? Ok...maybe not everyone will think that....just those of us who are comfortable enough with our sexuality. I ended up really liking this movie a lot more than I thought I would. I highly recommend it if potential homosexuality doesn't bother you.

#37 Strikes Back

Cop Out (2010) Rating: R

Being a huge fan of Kevin Smith, I was curious to see the progression from Zack & Miri Make A Porno to this. With Zack, it was the first film of his that had me saying "wow" that looks like a "real" film. So when I heard he was doing Cop Out, a film he didn't write, I was worried he would take the same route many directors take when they are given a big budget to direct a film that isn't written by them and totally screw it up and lose their style at the same time. Well rest assured, the progression from Zack to Cop Out is great. Although the language is on the "tame" side for a Smith flick, there is still enough f bombs and dick and fart jokes to please the die hard Kevin Smith fan, but not enough to disgust the Bruce Willis fan. A movie following the typical buddy movie, I will admit that it doesn't break any new ground. It was however a great popcorn flick. Willis & Morgan played off each other perfectly and you really believed that they were partners for 9 years (as the story says). One of the funniest bits was when Tracy Morgan is interrogating a guy using homage's (pronounced hom-aj) to various films. One of the films he quotes he says "Yippee Kayee Motherfucker". At that point the camera turns to Bruce Willis who says "I never seen that one". Now...if you've been living under a rock for the past 20 years, that is an obvious "homage" to a certain cop franchise by the name of Die Hard...starring none other than a Mr. Bruce Willis. .

Thia story revolves around a baseball card owned by Willis that he is trying to sell to pay for his daughter's wedding which is stolen by Sean William Scott's character and sold for drugs. (To me his character, although funny, is the weakest link of the cast) . The Willis/Morgan duo spend the rest of the flick trying to find the dealer that has the card. Morgan's over the top comedy along with Willis' straight laced ways makes for the best buddy/cop duo since Gibson & Glover (yeah I said it). Yes I'm sure that is probably a Cop Out comparison (sorry had to do it), but you tell me of a better duo since then.

All through the film there are various references to other movies, included by the writers but obviously enjoyed by Kevin as the director. I don't know for sure but there was one scene where a young boy is caught driving a car and pulled over by our two heroes. Just watch this scene and let me know if you think this is another homage, this time to George Romero's Dawn of the Dead

I also found that the music selected for the film was pretty awesome. Some of you might not think so (there is a lot of rap in it), but it was the type of rap I like (Beastie Boys & Run D.M.C. to name a couple). But don't fear metal heads...it also has Poison's "Every Rose Has It's Thorn" in it....ok...I hope I didn't just scare anyone away.

One issue I had with the film was at some points the edits were a bit off. Like most Kevin Smith films there were single camera shots, and the edits between the characters speaking seemed a bit TVish. A bit like watching a Law & Order episode. At times it had that feeling. That being said, it doesn't ruin the movie. It's just a personal thing for me that I'm sure most people won't even notice. But on a whole, this flick gets two dicks way up from me!!!!

Smells Like Interviews

Nirvana: Teen Spirit: Interviews (2007) Rating: NR

So I found out that Kurt Cobain's 43rd birthday was happening, so to celebrate I figured I'd check this DVD out. The first half was the MTV special that was aired just after Kurt's death that I think most of my generation has already seen with various MTV interviews with the band. After that there is a mini documentary/interviews with the band and other folks who were close to the band (Steve Albini for example) from the U.K. What kinda bothered me about this (and every Nirvana documentary for that matter) is that they never talk to Chad Channing or Jason Everman. Over all though it was a good watch, but not a whole lot of new material. The only parts that really got me excited were towards the end there was a 20 minute interview with the band in some (I'm assuming) club, taken by a camcorder. The problem with that is that the background noise makes it hard to concentrate on what they are saying, plus the two guys who were operating the camera, were obviously, inexperienced with the camera and the damn thing kept going out of focus. This documentary ends with a chat between the band members taken by Chris during a flight. That was cool because it really showed Kurt's sense of humor and his playful side.

I Got Your Love Right Here...

Show Me Love (1998) Rating: NR

Another foreign flick this is a movie dealing with a young girl coming to terms with her homosexuality. Now before you get all excited, these chicks are too young to be naked so keep it in your pants. Maybe it's because I'm a guy, in my 30's, but this movie came across to me as a cross between an Afternoon Special and Degrassi (you know...that awesome Canadian show that is like a cross between 90210 and Saved By The Bell). It touches on a "controversial" subject, but not a whole lot goes on in it. I'm not taking away from the plight of the lesbian, I respect all that. I'm just looking at this from a movie stand point. So I guess if you're a younger lesbian (or know a younger lesbian) you might want to check this film out (again there is reading though).

Royalty???

The Royal Tenenbaums (2001) Rating: R

So after nine years, I finally got around to seeing this film. I heard a lot of good things about it from people, but it always seemed to be those quirky types of people. I thought the movie was ok, but nothing all that special. I was expecting a lot more from such a great cast. But then again there is Ben Stiller in it (ugh). It's a movie about a family of rich geniuses who split apart...but years later when they find out the father is dying, they all come together and in a way work through their problems. It has its moments that made me chuckle, but not really my type of movie. If you're into the quirky dry type of humor I'd say this movie is for you, otherwise only watch it if there is nothing else on.

The Germans Are Coming...The Germans Are Coming!

Sophie Scholl: The Final Days (2005) Rating: NR

A movie about The White Rose and Sophie Scholl during the reign of the Nazis in Germany. This movie is in German, so be prepared to either learn German or do some reading (I found it easier to just read the subtitles personally). I thought it was a really good film, with some really good acting. There were a lot of times where I found myself holding my breath thinking "how are they going to get out of this". If you are familiar with the White Rose, (an anti-Nazi student intellectual group), you'll know what happens, but I wasn't. I'll just say my jaw dropped when I saw the ending. I also thought the guy who plays the Gestapo member who interrogates Sophie plays the character really well. There are moments where it seems as though he is implying that if she would just say certain things she would be set free. Almost like a moment of compassion. Very good movie all around.